Friday, May 3, 2013

Ciroc Is For White People Too


In case you guys didn't know, I'm a white person. I like things like LFO, quoting Seinfeld, hailing taxis, knowing who Jason Sudeikis is, and interior bounce passes. But I also enjoy things like jumping off my couch when someone dunks on someone else, yelling "World Star!!" when a street fight breaks out, red drank, and dribbling the ball up the court between my legs for absolutely no reason. Where am I going with this? I'm not really sure. What I do know is that Ciroc suffers from the stigma of being something only black people drink.

Ciroc is by far my favorite alcohol in the world. It's got 4 flavors and they're all money. If I had to rank them I'd go Peach, Red Berry, Regular, Coconut. Not really a coconut guy because everything coconut tastes like Suave shampoo and reminds me that my family was too poor to buy Garnier Fructis. The point of this blog is that every time I bring Ciroc to someone's place to pre-game or I order it at the bar, the white people I'm with either have never even had Ciroc or say something like "I don't drink that shit." Well white people, you should start drinking this shit because it's hands down the best vodka out. I've had Goose. I've had Belvedere. Ciroc is a superior product. It's got the 3 components everyone looks for in a good liquor - It's smoother, it's tastier, and it'll get you more fucked up. I don't think I've ever remembered my night the morning after drinking Ciroc and I'm borderline acceptable on the dance floor when it's running through my bloodstream.

But Jimmy, it's made by the same guy who once rapped the line, "rich black and famous wit money hangin' out the anus" so it must be a shit product. Wrong. If we've learned anything from Diddy and Jay-Z it's that everything they touch turns to Jennifer Love-Hewitt's tits. Diddy can do no wrong. He's a legit businessman with a top-of-the-line product. For those of you that equate quality with price, Ciroc is one of the more expensive vodkas you can buy at a liquor store. Just because you didn't wear black Sean John jeans in 9th grade like me doesn't mean you can't enjoy a fresh glass of Ciroc on a nice summer day.

But Jimmy, flavored vodka is a gimmick and if it has to be flavored it must suck. Well, momma's wrong again. A) if you hate flavored vodka solely because it's flavored you're a fucking snob dickhead. 2, drink the regular Ciroc if flavored vodka isn't your cup of tea. And D, we live on the most boring street in America where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen (sorry, I had to). The flavored versions are delicious and allow me to drink Ciroc straight, which saves money on mixers, saves you from additional sugar intake, and increases your buzz. Win/win/win.

In closing, I'd like to thank P Diddy and the manufacturers of Ciroc for contributing to some of the best nights I've ever had. You make a great product that should be enjoyed by people of all gender, religion, race, or Apollo Creed, and I will continue to be a loyal customer for as long as the product exists. Or at least until Cam'ron comes out with his own rum.

4 comments:

  1. Home Alone reference. Nailed it.

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  2. Any time you start a series of sentences with A), the rest just comes naturally

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  3. LMAO.. you had me at Suave shampoo.

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